Our Songs, Our Places, Without You Read online

  our songs, our places, without you

  trevor capiro

  (c) 2019 Trevor Capiro. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any format, without prior written permission from the copyright holder.

  Dedicated to everyone who has ever wished they could take back the love they gave to someone who didn’t deserve it.

  CHAPTERS

  Chapter One

  our songs

  Chapter Two

  our places

  Chapter Three

  without you

  Chapter Four

  healing

  Chapter One

  our songs

  you said

  it was our song

  perfect

  just like us

  i was a fool

  for ever believing you

  i used to look at you

  and feel

  a deep longing

  now i look at photos of us

  and wonder how

  i was so blind

  that i couldn’t see

  what was right in front of me…

  i wish i could travel

  back in time

  and tell

  the younger version of myself

  not to worry, think, and cry

  far too much

  about you

  the pain

  was never

  worth it

  don’t fuck with my love.

  i will give you

  everything i have

  but if you hurt me

  i will never

  f o r g e t

  i gave you

  love

  affection

  sex

  & energy

  you gave me

  pain

  heartbreak

  tears

  & trust issues.

  i wish

  i could tell my heart

  what my brain has known

  for so long

  you

  are nothing but pain

  to me

  your compliments

  were like candy

  temporarily sweet

  to the tongue

  but bitter

  to the heart

  in the long run

  maybe i deserved

  all of the heartbreak

  you caused me;

  after all,

  i was foolish enough

  to give my heart

  to someone

  so cruel.

  in the end

  nothing on this planet

  matters

  more than the simple

  human moments

  in day to day life

  i am still here

  still standing

  despite

  your best

  efforts

  do you really

  want to date him

  or are you just

  lonely?

  tear down the walls between us.

  let’s make it right

  and try

  to start again.

  if i could get on a plane

  tomorrow

  and start a whole new life

  with no trace

  of your memory

  believe me, i would

  all the songs

  we sang together

  all the lyrics

  that meant so much

  to us

  you threw it all away

  and now these songs

  i once loved

  are poison to my ears

  do not accept

  anything less

  than all the love

  you deserve

  if you’re just in it when its easy

  you’re not really in it

  at all.

  i spent too long

  thinking about

  how good i would feel

  if you finally

  came to your senses

  and begged to have me back

  now i realize

  i wasted too many good moments

  thinking about you

  when you

  if they don’t care enough

  to text you back

  and reassure you

  that they care

  they’re just not worth it.

  i fell too fast

  you laughed

  as i drowned

  you never cared about me

  you only cared

  about what you could get from me.

  i wish

  i could forget you

  but instead

  the thoughts of you

  are burning

  like an eternal flame

  in my mind

  nothing reveals

  a man’s weakness

  like the way

  he is threatened

  by a woman

  who is not entranced

  by his bullshit

  if only your actions

  loved me

  the way

  your words did

  we could still be

  happy

  right now

  Chapter Two

  our places

  i hate this town

  but more than that

  i hate the way

  i used to love it

  until

  you ruined it for me

  now i cannot even walk

  down my home street

  without running in

  to memories of you

  all you can do

  is live your life

  day by day

  not worrying

  too much

  about tomorrow

  do not waste your time

  on someone

  who swears they will change

  but never does

  their lies

  will only get worse

  as time goes on

  last night i saw you

  sitting in the cafe

  by the window

  with someone else

  already moved on

  replacing me

  in the exact spot

  we used to sit

  it pains me to see

  how easy it was

  for you to move on

  make this the year

  of cutting toxic people

  out of your life

  you were never in love with me

  you were just lonely.

  you cannot chase after

  someone else

  without losing

  pieces

  of yourself

  along the way

  i wish i saw your selfishness

  for what it was

  instead of mistaking it

  for love

  do not be afraid

  to be

  a work in progress

  starry night

  was not painted in an instant

  and your perfect life

  will take time, too.

  every tear

  you made me cry

  every kiss

  i wasted on you

  each one was a lesson

  that i will never forget.

  you are enough

  you are enough

  you are enough

  you are enough

  you are enough

  never stop believing this

  plant it so deeply

  in your mind

  that no one

  can take it away rom you

  memories of your touch

  haunt my skin

  the hairs on my arms

  stand up

  in the
exact places

  your fingers

  used to rest

  i thought

  we were in this

  together

  apparently

  it was just me

  carrying the weight

  of both of us

  on my shoulders

  some apologies

  cannot be accepted

  sometimes the pain

  is too powerful

  to be painted over

  so easily

  why does everyone

  have to leave?

  i wish i could feel

  anything

  as deeply

  as i feel

  the heartbreak

  of losing you

  as i let you go

  i knew i was letting go

  of the best

  and worst

  thing

  i’ve ever had.

  i fell in love

  with you

  but it turns out

  that was just

  a version of you

  you made for me

  to get what you wanted

  i get attached too easily

  i love too hard, too fast

  but i can’t believe

  i was dumb enough to believe you

  when you said

  “i love you”.

  you cannot truly heal

  while you are looking to others

  for healing

  true healing

  must come from within

  i used to think

  i would never feel complete

  without you

  now i wonder

  how i ever let you

  keep me down

  for so long

  my insecurities

  believed you

  when you screamed at me

  that i would always need you

  your love

  was poisoned chocolate

  tasting so sweet

  but hurting so terribly.

  i will never get an explanation

  from you

  for why i wasn’t good enough

  and it’s time

  i accepted that

  do not waste

  your rays of sunshine

  on seeds

  which will never bloom

  if he lets you

  go to bed

  upset

  he doesn’t care

  about you

  i wish i wasn’t so good

  at ruining

  good things

  Chapter Three

  without you

  all those sad songs

  i used to skip

  suddenly

  mean the world to me

  when i think of you

  a life without risk

  is not a life at all

  freedom, to me

  means finally

  letting go

  of you.

  i hope that time

  shows you

  how much you lost

  when you let go

  of me

  you were a drug

  my veins craved more

  of you

  even though my mind knew

  you did nothing but hurt me

  you cannot heal

  a broken bone

  if you never get up

  from where you fell

  you cannot heal

  a broken heart

  if you never leave

  the one who hurt you

  i should have paid

  more attention

  to all the little clues

  you showed

  i wish i could take

  a handful of balloons

  and float away

  to another place

  and start

  a new life

  i want to leave you

  but i know

  before long

  i would find myself

  sending you texts

  in moments of weakness

  reopening wounds

  that had only just begun

  to heal

  if you’re wondering

  if it’s time to move on

  it is.

  i can’t say that i regret

  our time together

  for although it hurt

  more than anything

  it also taught me

  more lessons

  than anything else.

  never beg someone

  to be part of your life.

  if you have to beg them,

  they don’t deserve

  your time, love, or energy.

  stop holding on

  to things of the past

  there is no use

  in re-opening old wounds

  that could’ve healed long ago

  if you left them alone

  i traced a finger

  along your freckles

  as if i was tracing constellations

  in the stars

  it hurts to lose

  your greatest comfort

  your arms were a home to me

  and now i wander the streets

  aimless and hurt

  if you love someone

  just tell them

  life is short

  there’s no use

  in missing out

  on living it to the fullest.

  there is no greater feeling

  than knowing

  that you’re doing just fine

  without someone

  who you used to need.

  your time is too valuable

  to waste

  on people

  who can’t make up their mind

  if they want you or not

  it’s okay to protect your heart

  and refuse to take chances on people

  who are just going to let you down

  i am tired of holding back what i really want to say. i am tired of pushing my tongue down instead of speaking my mind. from now on i will never silence myself again. i will never change myself for others. i will never compromise my own happiness for someone else.

  to my future self, this i promise you: i will give you the freedom you always dreamed of.

  do me a favor

  and leave me alone

  if you’re only planning

  on using me

  and breaking my heart.

  the greatest struggle

  of getting over someone

  is staying strong

  keeping your mind off of them

  and suddenly

  out of the blue

  something reminds you of them

  and suddenly

  you’re hurting

  all over again

  sadness hurts

  but it is necessary

  just as a wound

  must be cleaned

  before it can heal

  so you must be sad

  before your heart can heal

  and be ready

  to love again

  Chapter Four

  healing

  if it takes

  the rest of my life

  i will slowly chip away

  at your hold on my mind

  until one day

  i will wake up

  without the curse

  of thoughts of you

  and on that day

  i will rejoice

  knowing that i

  am truly free

  at last

  don’t fall in love

  with people

  who are still in love

  with someone else

  all they’re doing

  is looking

  for pieces of who they want

  in you

  i wish i could make

  that pretty perfect life

  for us

  in real life

  as easily as i do

  in every careless daydream

  your smile<
br />
  is the most beautiful sunrise

  you are the only one

  you truly need

  the worst thing

  you can do

  for yourself

  is settle